Shade

For a long time Shade thought her name was Slut. It was the only things she was called by our grandfather during the times in their shed. She chose the new name of Shade when our therapist at the time told her she had to have a new name. She spent a lot of time trying to pick a name she would be comfortable having. Although she was told to pick a pretty name" she could never pick one and eventually settled on Shade because it conjured for her feelings of being alone in the dark, separate from the rest of the world. For her that was a thing of comfort. Shade believes she is responsible for her grandfather being unable to control himself. She believes that he really wanted to stop abusing us but that she seduced and corrupted him from being able to do that. She takes full responsibility for the rapes that always came at the end of the events in the shed. This makes her feel guilty about the abuse as she believes it was her fault and at the same time she is terrified that she may make other people need to rape her. She is therefore very cautious about being out around men.

Shade has an almost phobic dislike for personal cleaning. She can become agitated and distraught when we shower and the feel of water on her skin seems to cause her some sort of pain. She tries to keep us from showering although there has been some work on making this less traumatic for her. This is probably connected to the cleansing done during her past, but it is also partly because she doesn't believe she has a right to be clean. She believes because of her "seduction" of our grandfather she needs to be dirty on the outside to match her inside.

Physical Appearance

Shade has long dirty blonde hair, that looks like it is in need of a good wash and brush. She is very thin, and her eyes have a sunken look. She wears a woollen rug as clothes, wrapped tightly around her. She is a very serious 12 year old girl who seldom smiles and has never laughed.

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